Flying by the Seat of Our Pull Ups

Windy Hill Play is now three years young, and we are making the shift from operating almost entirely on belief to operating with experience alongside us.

For the first three years, we were flying by the seat of our pull ups on the belief that we were building something worth building. Now, we have three years of practice behind us. We have rhythms, instincts, systems, and experience that simply did not exist when we started.

Which is an awful lot like the process of our young friends learning to use a toilet.

Just like our young friends, we didn't suddenly wake up one morning competent. We built competency through repetition, awareness, mistakes, adjustment, and eventually, trust in our own ability to be proactive and responsive.

The "potty training" culture is toxic. We tell parents that we prefer to think of it as toilet competency. Learning this new habit is vulnerable and intimate, and the process should be treated with individuality, dignity, and respect. A three day training does not lead to competency. It is just high intensity interval training on the way to building new muscles and memories. Real competency is a proven ability that comes from doing the same thing over and over and over again. Just like our early beginnings, it starts with belief and grows through experience.

I really appreciate this analogy when it comes to describing our own evolution as the founders and operators of a childcare organization and a nonprofit.

We went all in. We stripped off the safety nets and embraced the potential for mess. There were days when we felt like we were crushing it, when we could feel the muscles snapping into place. We were on the mark. No soiling or skidmarks in sight!

Then there were days when we questioned whether it was possible. Maybe it wasn't the right time, maybe we didn't have what it took, maybe the climb was simply too steep. There were days when it was all play, fun, and apple juice, and others when it felt like a battle of crying, mess, and defeat.

Old muscles are hard to stop resorting to, like the fear of not being enough or that there aren't enough hours or energy in the day. And we are learning to rely on the newer muscles we are building. The "we are learning and showing up as our best selves today" muscle. The "mistakes do not counter progress" muscle. The understanding that every rhythm has ups and downs and that we can continue moving forward with gratitude for our efforts.

We called upon others who had "done it before," and we relied upon their success stories to help us make it through to the other side.

Moving away from the toilet competency analogy now...

With a healthy combination of grit and support, we went from believing Windy Hill Play was something worth building to seeing it. We believe it, we see it, and now we are testing out different words to help us communicate what it is.

One more analogy.

These first few years of building Windy Hill Play have felt very similar to having another child.

When the idea for Windy Hill Play was forming, it felt like something was growing inside of me that had no choice but to be fed. I remember the energy that pulsed through me as I wrapped my mind around how different life was going to be now that this idea was growing within me.

The idea was born when Princess came into the picture. We became a blended family with an infant. Every waking moment depended on us being there and showing up, night and day, regardless of how underqualified or exhausted we felt. We gave from ourselves and leaned so hard on one another in our endless efforts to keep this new life form alive and kicking.

And then the muscles began to form.

We grew in confidence and in the comfort of knowing we were not alone. We fell into rhythm, into community. The uprooting of our previous selves stopped feeling so uncomfortable, and we started to breathe into the new space that had formed around us. Ourselves and our business.

As the business learned to crawl, walk, talk, and feed itself, there were messes and bumps and bruises. Along the way, the business grew more agile. We created more safeguards. Our ability to predict challenges and outcomes developed.

And now, we are in our fabulous fours, and this business has opinions and autonomy.

As the parents, we are creating routines, setting boundaries, and repeating ourselves over and over and over again. We know what comes on the other end of this because we have children who are already there, and we are experiencing the result.

The child who holds more wonder than we can describe. Who knows how to care for themselves and has the capacity to care for us in return. The child with creative and adventurous ideas who keeps us in awe of their energy and cautious of their tendency to go from 0 to 1000 in the blink of an eye.

This organization still needs us, but it is no longer firmly attached to us.

We can see in it the values we hold within ourselves. We see it mirror back to us the best and worst of us.

Windy Hill Play is a childcare organization, but it is also the story of two very different women coming together to be transformed through the coparenting of another child and the merging of two families.

Princess and I are stronger together because we choose to see each other, even when our differences strike us in uncomfortable ways. We have had to shed old ideas about ourselves, our roles, leadership, control, success, culture, religion, and even care itself. We have had to look at each other head on and ask hard questions about how we show up for ourselves, for each other, and for Windy Hill Play.

Windy Hill Play has become something that was born from us but no longer belongs only to us.

It has grown into a life force. It has its own relationships. Its own history. Its own people. Its own expectations. And its own future.

Maybe one of the reasons it has taken us three years to find the words for what we are building is becausecare will always be more art than science.

True care extends from within us and ventures into the unknown space between ourselves and another person. It starts with acknowledging that yearning for care, and being brave enough to step out in search of it, is unfamiliar and uncomfortable.

Windy Hill Play offers a safe space for parents, care providers, children, students, and grandparents to step out with courage in search of care and feel supported and seen in that place of vulnerability. A place where you linger a little longer because you feel how important you are when you're there.

And over these three years, we have watched people walk through our doors searching for very different versions of it. Some need childcare. Some want a career. Some are students. Some need flexibility. Some are curious.

And all of these people leave behind a piece of themselves that builds upon the foundation of Windy Hill Play.